Tuesday, September 08, 2015

Farewell part 3,4,5....

Yesterday I have sunk towards the deepest point in my life. I visited a prostitute again.

My strategy to share my struggle with the world clearly didn't work. The bad think is, everything seemed to be going fine for 46 days. Until something snapped in my head. I just couldn't stop watching degrading pornography, and I just couldn't stop watching internet advertisements placed by prostitutes.

I phoned one of these girls. I made an appointment. And I felt the obligation to visit her. Okay, I said to myself, just have a chat with her. I ended up having unprotected sex with the friendly young woman. I have never done this in my life. I fear for the safety of her, and myself.

When I walked home I seriously contemplated committing suicide, just jump in front of a train.

This time I really want to stop blogging and tweeting. It is no use anymore.

I'll try to find professional help. I did tell a psychiatrist about my sexual problems several years ago, but he said porn is merely fantasy. I knew I couldn't talk to him about it.

I'll talk about my sexual problems with my family doctor.

I still have a blog post in the works about the book written by Dina Siegel called: Het Zandpad - Closing brothels or closing eyes?

Contrary to what the title suggests, this book is written in Dutch.

I am now reading this book. I will post my analysis of this book on my blog.

What I find most interesting about her book is that according to Dina Siegel, when prostitutes, policemen and social workers claim there is a lot of coercion in prostitution, oftentimes they can name only a few actual victims, if any at all. So a Latin American prostitute could say: those Eastern European prostitutes have pimps. You ask her if she can name examples? The answer is no, because she doesn't know any Eastern European prostitutes.


Cliente X said...

That book lokks very interesting, maybe u could translate it into english. I would like to read many books and documents u have spoken, so well, if u can help me to get them I'd be very thankful as I've answered u in my blog.

Btw is there any topic u'd like me to write in english?

Donkey said...

You could write about your experiences with the many prostitutes you know in Spain, or around the world. But perhaps you already have such a topic in English.

No, I won't help you with the books. The promise to pay you money if I visit a prostitute won't work. I will simply visit a prostitute and then I simply don't pay you.

I will keep on trying not to visit prostitutes and not to watch porn. I haven't visited prostitutes for a week, and I didn't watch porn for 4 days.

I really miss Eleni, but my fear of contaminating her with an STI is too big now. By the way, I could have an STI. My uretha feels slightly irritated. I will go to a doctor next week. And I will report the results of the tests to the lovely young lady.

Cliente X said...

U asked in my blog how MANY stis I have as if I collected them haha. No, man, no. I need to have test bcause I also make amateur porn videos and I have no diseases! Thats bullshit, I think u are hypocondriac. Well that can happen but it would be really bad luck, first time u have bb sex with a ho and u get a sti, while i have been in such way hundreds if not thousands of times and all i got was ONCE a ghonorrea that I cured fast with an antibiotic.

NP If I were u Id do same and spend my money in myself and not in a stranger. Fuck prostitutes, life is just two days!

Donkey said...

Well, that is kind of miraculous, because gonorrhea and chlamydia have close to a 50% transmission rate, and many people in general have sti's. Think about 3%, 5%, that idea.

Donkey said...

I had myself tested. I turns out I don't have chlamydia, gonorrhea or syphilis. I am actually kind of surprised. Something doesn't feel right about my penis. I feel a slight pain from the middle of my urethra towards the top of my penis. I have learned that they don't test for herpes. It could be that. I have also read that mouth bacteria from the mouth of the woman (when she gives you a blowjob) could enter the urethra and cause complaints.

The funny thing is, I had these issues before with prostitutes, even when using condoms. I have had all the hallmarks of an sti. I have had a painful urethra, and I have regularly observed a stinky discharge from my penis after visiting prostitutes. But when I am tested, it turns out I have no sti. Very strange.

I will text the nice young lady about the happy results.

The only point is, I wish I did contract an sti, because now my evil subconscious mind could use the happy test results as an excuse to visit a prostitute again, again without using protection.