Friday, June 12, 2015

Why I shouldn't visit prostitutes and porn sites, a very quick conversation with myself

You visit prostitutes?

Do you care about people?

Do you want total strangers on the street to grab your butt?
No, that's sexual intimidation. They shouldn't do that to me.

But you visit prostitutes and you care about people?
Yes, I care about people. But the prostitutes chose this livelihood themselves. Everybody has to work.

Are you really serious? Many prostitutes do it out of poverty or because they are coerced. They are forced to tolerate sexual contacts they would otherwise refuse. That is sexual intimidation. You are sexually intimidating the prostitutes you visit.
Would you say that about other professions? Prostitution is work. I know that prostitutes are often in dire straits when they chose this line of work, but that is true for so many other professions. And you never say a construction worker is intimidated into laying bricks. And the doctor touches his or her patients very intimately. Is the doctor sexually harassed? Are the patients sexually harassed because they are forced to accept the doctor's intimate contacts? And people are abused in other professions too.

You are distracting from the main point. Sexual intimidation is sexual intimidation. Abuse in one profession doesn't legitimize abuse in the other. And the doctor is merely helping other people. Would you grab a random woman by the butt?
No, that is sexual harassment. I respect people. I love people. I would never do that!

Would you grab the waitress in the restaurant by the butt?
No, of course not! That's sexual harassment too!

And you also say this when you know she is at work?
That doesn't matter. Sexual harassment is sexual harassment.

The prostitute is just like the waitress who was harassed by you. Under normal circumstances the waitress would say: "keep your hands off my body, you pervert!". Prostitutes have very limited power to fend off this kind of harassment.
They do have that power! Many prostitutes don't want to kiss their clients. And they don't accept anal sex.

You are distracting again from the main point. Perhaps they have just enough power to avoid the most egregious violations. But they still, because of poverty and coercion, are forced to accept sexual contacts they would otherwise refuse. Perhaps they do have the power to avoid anal sex. But they don't have the power to avoid their butts being grabbed, or their vagina being penetrated. And some prostitutes do accept anal and kissing, because otherwise they don't earn enough money, especially older prostitutes.
Yes you are right! I am convinced. I won't visit prostitutes again. You are so totally right! I see it now. I have so totally disrespected the prostitutes I visit. And I have had indeed noticed some prostitutes absolutely being appalled by being penetrated by me, or being touched by me. I have horribly abused people. I am such an egoist. I will never do it again. When a person loves people, he (or she) won't visit prostitutes.

Indeed. I love you!
I love you too!

Thank you. And there is a solution the problem of prostitution. We should love each other, and help other people out when they are in trouble, and not use our monetary power to sexually abuse them, or to let them do dangerous or degrading things.
Indeed. I just love you.

I love you too!


(PS: you can also change prostitute into porn actor/actress in this conversation, only the harassment is done by proxy)

(PS 2: and I immediately have to admit that the very same day I wrote this, I actually did visit a porn site, although very shortly. But that was against my promises. That little voice in my head that says that prostitution is okay is still there. And I notice that just visiting the porn site itself is very arousing, not actually watching it. It is the transgression that is arousing. I actually did very well, because I didn't visit porn sites for a month. It is annoying that I have to keep fighting urges. I think I will try to reform my sexual fantasies, and refocus them away from pornography and prostitution. It will be difficult, because it is the transgressive sex that I actually like.)

Monday, June 08, 2015

My attempt to stop watching porn and visiting prostitutes, again

As some people who are familiar with my blog know, I have a big problem with my own sexuality. I have said in my farewell speech that I don't want to confront the outside world with my sexual problems again, and that I completely want to shut down my blog. I have made some attempts in the past to completely stop watching porn and visiting prostitutes. This was kind of embarrassing, because again and again, I did both these things anyway.

Now that I am completely converted to the ideology of abolitionism, I have regained hope. Nowadays I believe that all pornography and prostitution is a human rights violation, whether this happens with consent or not. The workers in these sectors are essentially paid to be sexually assaulted. Coercion or despair is what drives people into this horrendous world. I don't believe people who say that they have no problems with this kind of work, and that they are treated respectfully by clients and pornographers. And I don't believe in benign pornography. All paid sex is abusive, always, with no exception. All sex without mutual love and respect is abusive. In porn and prostitution there is no respect and love. Some people will call me a prude, a fundamentalist and a moral crusader when I say this. I will say to them that they have no conscience. They support rape and torture under the guise of consent. Look at prostitution defender Laura Agustín when she defends child prostitution and the respect that she has for the women when they consent to prostitution, when she admits that prostitutes say to her that they experience working in prostitution as degrading, sinful, rape, and as exploitative:

So to all the people who support the rape industry, I say FUCK YOU!!! And I am proud to be a moral crusader.

So all prostitution and pornography is abuse, always, so that should make my choices easy. I should never watch porn, and visit prostitutes. The last time I visited a porn site was 25 days ago. The last time I visited a prostitute was more than 2 months ago. I decided to track my progress via twitter, and I do admit that I am struggling. My choice to break with the sex industry is not easy. I still have cravings to watch porn. I have to convince myself again and again that it is not okay to watch people being sexually tortured. That little voice within me which says that the sex industry is okay has not disappeared. I also, at the last moment, had to prevent myself from visiting a red light district again. I was already walking to the train station. I decided at the last moment to walk passed the train station, and take a long stroll to cool down.

I have noticed that not masturbating makes it easier not to watch porn. I haven't masturbated for a month. Masturbation could bring up thoughts of visiting a prostitute or a porn site, and this could stimulate me to actually do it. I notice that I regularly think about porn and prostitutes. I just have to stop this. My whole sexuality is wired to the abusive, unloving and disrespectful sexuality of pornography and prostitution. Loving and respectful sex cannot turn me on. So I decided to switch off my sexuality altogether. I have also made such an attempt in the past, but I failed after three months. But I want to do it again.

I have read that when a person doesn't do anything with sex for a while, feelings of sexuality will disappear. This is what I am aiming for. But I need a strong will. Feelings of sexuality flare up daily, and I should fend these thoughts off. I must do nothing with them, not stimulate them. But it is difficult. I hope by keeping track of my thoughts on twitter on a daily basis, that it will make my struggle easier. When I feel strong cravings, I will mention it on twitter. I also count the days on twitter. This is my twitter-account by the way:

I write in the Dutch language on my account, it is my mother language, I prefer it that way. And I decided that every month I will write something about my struggle on my blog. I want to have the feeling that people know what I am doing, and I want them to support me.

And, I am also thinking about rewriting my FAQ. In my old FAQ there are still some ideas which support the sex industry, although I do admit in it that all clients of prostitutes are evil and such. There are some tips to avoid forced prostitutes in it, but now that I definitely don't believe in voluntary prostitution anymore, I want to keep these parts out in a later version.

Within one month I hope to see you back, and I hope that I won't admit that I have strayed from the path again. This could be very dangerous, because often I lose all hope when this happens, and then I enter into a frenzy of visiting porn sites and prostitutes.

So, please thumb me. And see you in a month.

Greetings to cliente X, and to Eleni if she would ever visit my blog, I love you Eleni!