Tuesday, December 03, 2013

A conversation with a prostitute

I recently had contact with a prostitute. Not to have paid sex with her, but just to speak with her directly.

I wanted to talk about what she said earlier about her clients, that overall they were nice, and they never caused problems. She says the clients are very sweet to her. In the past she was coerced into prostitution. You can read about what she said in the previous post on my blog:


What she said about her clients was the following:
(…) She receives clients in her home. She is 100% real, and until recently she has really worked in prostitution. She had many clients during the last several years who came to her because she indicated that she now works voluntarily and that she enjoys her work. She only receives Dutch clients, and this is also indicated in her advertisement. She finds that the clients are very kind and sweet towards prostitutes, she means the Dutch clients. She had few disrespectful experiences, and during the last several years she has worked with a lot of pleasure. She had some very pleasant contacts with some men, with whom she maintained a good relationship. But she believes that could be also true because she does what she promises, and she has fixed price agreements. She says there obviously is scum, but she has to admit that she never had a noteworthy problem with a client, at most that she refused him because she found him too fat. But this was during the time she worked for herself. During the time she worked for an abusive pimp, she hated all her clients on principle and she wanted to get rid of them as quickly as possible. She said she emanated the typical signals: she didn’t cooperate enthusiastically, she kept her hand between her legs, she gave blowjobs in a very clinical way. She said that if men paid money for that they obviously start to complain. But when she worked independently she had a lot of pleasant experiences. She said about [prostitutes who complain the clients cross their boundaries] that apparently they weren’t clear enough to their clients. She didn’t have problems with gropers, but she immediately explains in the beginning what the rules are. Clients are not allowed to put their fingers in her anus and to ejaculate in her mouth. Furthermore, she breaks the ice by saying that she prefers to survive it. She says that the men generally lie stiffly on their back on the bed (at least the non-regulars), and she has to ask them to join in more actively, to keep them interactive. She says about the prostitutes who dare to speak in public, that they often show off and like to exaggerate. She says that prostitutes do this in general. And they forget to tell that the moment in life they chose to work in prostitution was often not so prosperous. She actually knows only a few prostitutes who do this work for the fun and the kick of it. She says money plays a very important role. (…)
I still had some more questions, so we decided to speak face to face. The following is a summary of the conversation I had with her in real life and also via the internet later and earlier.

For a while she was forced into prostitution. At first she herself made the decision to work in prostitution. But after a short while she entered into an abusive relationship with a pimp. At first she agreed with him that he would protect her in exchange for some money, but after a while he basically took all the money. At that time she was really young and naive. She knew nothing about the city life and de Wallen. This abusive situation endured for some years, but at the end she could wrest herself free from his influence, and she now works as an independent prostitute, with a lot of pleasure. So she is not a passive victim of human trafficking. She is very open-minded. She just had the bad luck to meet a very bad person.

I asked her why she didn’t escape immediately? That’s what many people ask her. I asked her why she didn’t flee far far away? For instance, to Italy? She said she couldn’t because she had no money at that time. I said she could walk to Italy instead! She didn’t think about this solution at the moment. I asked if her family members were threatened. She said yes. He did approach several family members.

For a long time she didn’t realize she was forced into prostitution. That came later after she left him, when people of the police said to her that it is involuntary when you are kept in a situation in which you don’t want to be. Only then she started to realize it. She didn’t consider herself a victim of prostitution, but she did realize that she was extorted. She didn’t realize that this is also categorized as forced prostitution.

During the time she worked on de Wallen she didn’t say to other people that she was coerced. She laughed while being at work, and she had fun. She did have nice periods behind the window. For her it was better to be behind the window than at home where she was beaten up by her boyfriend. She even told the vice inspector on de Wallen that she worked for herself. She didn’t realize that her pimp was punishable under the law.

She is a bit agitated by the two opposing camps within the world of prostitution. One camp mainly focuses on the victims within the sex industry. The other camp denies forced prostitution altogether. She finds it strange that people believe there is no abuse in the sex industry. She says that even in the asparagus cultivation industry abuse happens, so why not in the sex industry? She points to the website kinky.nl where dozens of Eastern European prostitutes are advertised with penis-into-vagina sex without condom.

We talked for a short while again about her clients. It is still a mystery to me why some prostitutes are so positive about their clients, while others are so negative. I talked about the prostitute who wrote to me that clients don’t care about agreements, they do whatever they want, without taking the prostitutes into account. She answered it could have something to do with the appearance of these prostitutes. She thinks that perhaps the less beautiful prostitutes receive the more evil clients. And she also wonders why some prostitutes work in the sex industry in the first place. She says men obviously want to insert their fingers into the vaginas of prostitutes. She has oil for these purposes. She doesn’t understand the prostitutes who don’t want clients to do this.

She mentioned that she doesn’t need any protection from pimps or security companies, because the clients are never dangerous. She first lets them into her house, she asks them to go to the shower, and that’s it.

She also mentioned that she gives blowjobs to her clients without protection. I asked her if you really notice it when you don’t advertise with oral sex without condom. She says that if she doesn’t offer blowjobs without condom very few clients come to her. She decided 2 years ago that oral sex without condom is not so dangerous, after reading something about it on soaaids.nl. She says clients want oral sex without condom and penetration with condom, so that’s what she offers.

I asked her about the situation on de Wallen where she has worked during the time of the notorious pimp Saban B. (Saban B was arrested February 2007). I asked her if Saban B was really the boss of de Wallen like some people have said. She doesn’t really know the answer. She does know that the pimps all knew each other. Saban didn’t harass her because he probably thought that she and her pimp belonged to a group of prostitutes who worked for the Hells Angels. The relationship between the Hells Angels and the prostitutes who worked for them is similar to other prostitute-pimp relationships, according to her. She said that many people didn’t realize that Saban was this big, only when he was mentioned in the newspapers. She didn’t have the impression that he was the boss. She also doesn’t know if it is impossible the work on de Wallen without a pimp (, I asked that question to her). She said that pimps did try to steal women from each other. That’s why her pimp didn’t allow her to look the other pimps in the face. Unfortunately she has no inside information about Eastern European pimps, but she did see them.

On de Wallen, she saw the women come and go with their Moroccan boyfriends. Under the guise of love the boys cajoled money from the women for years. She heard them phoning with their boyfriends. She saw the bruises. What’s more, they (the prostitutes) were joking about it with each other. The women with whom she worked all had bruises at least once a week, and they were clearly accompanied to their work. She said you wouldn’t know that prostitutes are forced. She worked in between other women who had a very big mouth, but who still were coerced anyway.

Now that the opportunity presented itself, I asked her about another big paradox that I’m struggling with. If it is true that so many prostitutes are coerced into prostitution and so much violence is used, why do I rarely observe bruises on the bodies of the prostitutes I see in brothels and window prostitution areas? On one occasion I observed a very small bruise on the back of a Hungarian prostitute. This is when I thought: hey, she has a bruise, the first one that I see! This bruise could have easily been caused by a little accident.

So I asked her (not the Hungarian girl!) for an explanation. She said the prostitutes she knew clearly had bruises. The girls talked openly about what were the causes of these bruises. She said her pimp never hit her on visible parts of her body. Her back was a favourite. Her face was avoided. She says that obviously you don’t ruin merchandise. I asked her if they could camouflage bruises with makeup. She said yes, but also with clothes. They also wore clothes during sex with the clients. She didn’t take off her bra for 50 euro anyway. So if she wore a bra with a low cleavage, nobody saw the bruises. And she didn’t take off her little sweater during sex, and if the clients started to complain she hit the alarm button. The police often doesn’t come, and because of the noise the clients run away anyway. Most are tourists, and in their country prostitution is illegal. I asked her if it is easy to mask bruises with makeup. She says it isn’t, but with professional makeup it can be done. In addition, bruises can be masked in the blue and red light, during the evening hours at least. She often had bruises on her legs. She often wore jeans and a little jacket with an open cleavage. She took her jeans off, but often she still wore her jacket. She could also cover her legs with stockings, or high boots, and she also wore a skirt and blouse, and then she only took off her skirt.

She complains that social workers mainly focus on helping prostitutes out of prostitution, while many prostitutes want to leave the abusive situation, not prostitution per se. If a Chinese cooking assistant is saved from an abusive situation, then it is obvious that this person wants to continue working as a cook because that’s what this person is good at. And the same is true for a prostitute. It is not strange to see many rescued prostitutes returning to prostitution.

It is not prostitution that damaged her, but her pimp. Before she met him she found the work very pleasant to do. As an independent prostitute she never had any problems, but during the time with her pimp she did have problems, because she didn’t like the idea to have sex with her clients while not getting anything of the money she earned. She probably would have done this job all this time anyway, even when he wouldn’t have entered into her life.

She thinks what is also true that she had negative experiences with her clients during her time with her pimp, is because she worked in window prostitution during that period. She says that window prostitutes tend to get rid of their clients quickly. Window prostitution play tricks on clients. That’s the reason why clients could become agitated. She also worked this way. My personal impression by the way is that this is not true. Prostitutes in different sectors don’t differ that much from each other, in this respect. My experience is, that also window prostitutes are generally very friendly and patient. I obviously also met grumpy window prostitutes. And there are also grumpy prostitutes in clubs who try to get rid of you as quickly as possible.

She believes that prostitutes who work behind a window or in a club, but who don’t have a pimp, are also victims. Because often they have to hand over 50% or most of the money they earn to the brothel owner. She says these women don’t know how to arrange things properly. She said it would be best if the women pay a fixed amount of money per day. The amount should be determined by unions. She thinks receiving clients in your own home is the best option for prostitutes.

I think the conversations I had with her were very interesting. Unfortunately I have to admit that I don’t believe her sometimes. Especially about how she experiences her clients, and I have big difficulties believing her stories about bruises. But perhaps I am way too critical, and the things she describes are how things really happen in prostitution. I really understand that most clients of prostitutes are truly overpornified dorks, and I am sometimes afraid that I belong to this type of clients myself. Perhaps it is just projection. But I think generally I am friendly towards the prostitutes.

But all in all, I am really surprised by what she has said to me.


Cliente X said...

Well, this is a FIRST STEP in the good direction to know more about prostitution. If u want her to tell u the truth, u need her to trust u, u must give her confidence. And this is a long way, specially for a guy like u.

She is saying u she was never forced into prostitution, but when she was into, she met a guy and she felt in love. Thats a different thing, its an abusive relationship like many others. I also had an abusive gf and I dont call her a pimp (well, maybe i should do...)

I'll explain u why some pros speak good of her clients and others bad. Cuz they are different people. And also their clientes are different. See, the well know prostitute Pia Covre talks horrible about the clients she had... when she was near an US military base. Well, if ur clients come from a sector used to abuse of ANY person, its normal. I have met girls who worked in clubs where police used to go and they hated their work bcause they didnt like that kind of clients. With an usual guy u can speak, have fun, u can tell him ur problems. But with a soldier or a policeman all is about obey their orders. Now, is your mistery solved?

Now, ur question about bruises. What she told u its true, pimps dont like to leave bruises or any mark. They have very effective ways to persuade the girls. One of the most used is simply the incarceration. If u are 2-3 days in a small cell trust me that u will be very obdedient after that. Threats also work well, to arrest any relative is a good way to make a prostitute to cooperate.

I think she felt u didnt believe her so she havent been fully honest with u, thats normal. U are not in her world, u are an outsider. If u want info from her, u need to be her friend. And not to be afraid to have sex if the opportunity araises. Try to think in her as any other woman.

Well, its nice to read u again after so many time. See you.

Anonymous said...

Thnk you for having an opinion. She didnt fell in love though. She had a business agreement with this guy which she knew allready for 9 years. He didnt kept the agreement. Instead of 30% he took 100%. Instead of protecting her. He was the only one she ever had to be protected from. Because of the violence and threats he used. How I know? . I am the prostitute about which this article is talking about. The relationship in this article is Not in the sense of love but have to be seen as a relationship somehow like friends or relatives...

Anonymous said...

And oh. Ps. It will never come to sex buddy! Don' t talk that rude about people u don't even know please!

Anonymous said...

She uses oil so a client can put his fingers in her vagina?

OIL? Is she crazy?
OIL and condoms? They do not match very well!

Guess this was a set up.. Bummer that you fell for it!

All by all: the story sounds implausible. For various reasons.

Donkey said...

Oh she is real!! And she really is a prostitute. I have seen her advertisements and reviews. And she actually was a victim of forced prostitution. I have read the verdicts concerning her case.

Perhaps she used a special kind of oil. Perhaps she used silicone oil, that works in combination with condoms.

Donkey said...

Is asked it to her, and she uses silicone oil indeed. She uses "Eros Bodyglide", it is "Latex and rubber compatible".