Saturday, April 24, 2010



To go firmly against my own principles again, I visited a prostitute. I utilized all the statistical data I know, and went upstair with a Dutch woman, who works in a club/massage parlour/privéhuis and who is my age (that is, not young, around 30), knowing that Dutch women who are coerced or manipulated to work in prostitution often are young (around 20) and work behind windows.

As a matter of fact, I liked the experience, and I don't feel guilty. Statistically, I'm very confident that she has not been forced by some kind of pimp. At least, the probability is very low.

I say in the introduction of this blog that it's better for men not to visit prostitutes and in the FAQ that men who visit prostitutes are jerks, and now I doubt if I should remove that. I have to say that the things she and I did were very intimate, and this must be a very hard job for a woman.

(I have to notice that during the introductions the women treated me with contempt, as if I were some kind of insect. They walked in, quickly called their name, shaked my hand, looked down on me as if I were some kind of awful being, and immediately turned their back towards me and walked away. Except for the woman that I chose.)


by Janvier Morris said...

Between your confession style writing and your stand out presence blog, I dont know where you stand. Do you agree that men should buy sex from women that only appear to be there volunteers? You could always just get a massage and move on, you know. U dont have to sleep with her.

Donkey said...

Yes, perhaps this was just another mistake of mine. But I'm gradually starting not to feel that way.

I have read so much about prostitution that I know exactly how to lampoon the sex industry but also how to pick just the right stories to prove that prostitution must be the most wonderful job for young women, and how glad they must be to meet interesting people like me and get to know different kinds of sexualities.

We live in a different time compared to a hundred years ago. People nowadays are not so quickly shocked anymore. One Thai prostitute asked an interviewer how she would feel if she would have to be naked with a total stranger in the same room. But, nowadays, more and more people are doing nude recreation, think about saunas. Sitting naked with an old man in a room was perhaps shocking in the past, now it's normal. Boundaries are gradually broken.

Perhaps that in the future prostitution is not so strange anymore. Perhaps it will become a normal job for a young woman, just like working behind a counter. Perhaps it will become normal for a man's girlfriend or wife to work in prostitution and to share her with friends. Times are changing.

But in the back of my mind I feel guilty. I discovered the woman I visited is also a porn actress. In one interview she says that often she is treated with disrespect by the clients. So sad.

Prostitution is still a hard job.

Anonymous said...

You are to blame for your own predicament.
Deciding that paying money gives you the right to do what you want with a womans body is your own responsibility- not hers. If you think that paying makes anything alright...then no wonder you don't feel guilty.
I wouldn't do things to another that I thought were unhealthy, simply because I think it's wrong. It's my own decision. I can understand if something is damaging to another, even if they seem willing.
Your attitude is one big cop out.

Anonymous said...

Donkey, while you follow your obsession with sex, some people are living. They're working to support a family, educate children, heal people, do something useful for society. Sex is just one aspect of an otherwise productive life.
There is so much beauty in the world. There's so much potential for good. But you're missing it all.
Ordinary people work damn hard, making dinner, washing up, putting children to bed, listening to their stories, man and wife working together for a common purpose, day after dayafter day without reprieve, even though it leaves less time for each other. But there's respect and there's fulfilment. Life's not all about sexual excitement. Sex means more when it happens in the context of a relationship like this. It's a healthy part of the relationship and not the focus.
Why don't you use the mind and body that God gave you to connect with people around you in a purposeful way?

Donkey said...

Perhaps you people are right. There are more beautiful things in life. I'm too fixated on sex and finding a girlfriend.

BTW: read the report by Nick Mai about migrants in the British sex industry:

"Most interviewees underlined that they enjoyed respectful and friendly relations with colleagues and clients and that by working in the sex industry they had better working and living conditions than those they encountered in other sectors of employment (mainly in the hospitality and care sectors)."

"Fear of violence and abuse was mainly associated with robberies, not clients, the majority of whom are described as respectful and considerate."

Yes, I know where to find my sources. :(

Anonymous said...

I thought by the domain of your blog, that I would be coming across a strong advocate for this kind of thing. My heart is wrecked that you have become so enmeshed in your studies on the subject that you have turned yourself over to the very ting you intended to defend. I close your blog today even more heartbroken for the trauma of these women.

Anonymous said...

Coincidently I reached on your blog. Why are you carrying out so much!! research. Matter is really simple. You like to go to prostitute. It is okay. What difference it makes wheather she is forced or volunteer. In both cases you are paying her and doing her a financial help. Think, it is not "you" that forced her, so why guilt and on other hand you are paying her so it good for her in that condition. I am not saying that is ethically right to force or hurt anybody's emotions(not only prostitute or women but to whole living), but in that case noncoperation is just not enough also. Can you do something to make the free to foced ones? Of course, you are not having power right now.

On the other hand I think that sex without the consent of either partner is prostitution whether it is your girlfriend or wife or prostitute.
Sex without love is man's instict and love without sex is women's instict. This is the nature and you can help in that much more, but listen, if you can wait in relationship and life, there comes one point when man is no more like one was initially and same is true for woman. Then the matter resolves. you both can go in love and then in sex if you want but remember, later after some bitter experiances.
All your stastical research and data can't dig deep in human nature. That only can be revealed in relationship. Every man and woman are slave of there mind frame, so only in a time taking relationship(whether girlfriend and wife) can push you in the truth of nature.(Only one line in your blog seems to me worthful that says in love the tastesterone level of male decreases in love and female's increases in love. What does it reveals that if both are in love then both transends there instict and come in the contact of truth of nature ).

Every woman is prostitute and every prostitue is woman. You should meet a woman, not prostitue.

If you can't find a girlfriend then you can do an experiment if you have money. Hire a prostitue for three to five days, which seems close to your heart. Then treat her like your girlfriend. Go to beach with her, lunch or dinner with her, talk with her and if sex happens, let it happen but don't force it(do it all that where you both can feel safe yourself, may be out your city or country) . That experiance can be helpful for your whole life and may also helpful to find girlfriend afterwards. But take precautions about your social safety and don't be over symphatisize with your partner i.e. don't make any decision to help her be free etc. without evaluating consequences. If she insists anything like that you can tell clearly that this is out of your power.

Donkey said...

Ooooohhh, that would be so expensive to hire a prostitute for three days!!!

Calculate: 1 hour is 60 euro on discount (a more typical price would be 120 euro per hour). 24*3*60=4320 euro.

Anonymous said...

Oohhhhh! if you are so calculative, then would you also calculate the expanse for having a wife for whole life, or for nurturing your children.
By the way it's a matter of choice. Find a girlfriend, that would be far more batter if judged by heart and if you are sincere towards your life, then beleive me, it is very possible.

Donkey said...

Women generally look at the level of self-confidence of men. Self confident men are generally found to be very attractive by women. Insecure men like me are not. Women don't look at men by heart. The most evil men are deemed attractive by women, if these guys are self-confident. The sweetest guys are not, if they are insecure. I know that from my own experiences and what I see around me.

Anonymous said...

You are right up to where you write but the story doesn't end here. Actually a thing like self confident man is a rare phenomenon.

Then what it is we mostly see? Some pretend to be self confident and some are not able to do this. Those ones who pretend, they acquire this skill by surraoundings.

If you are able to observe keenly, then you also can be able to learn but it's a matter of time.

Donkey said...

Precisely!!! It's all about self-confidence.